Hi,

Another bout of child sickness coupled with travel has meant my newsletter-creation time has been limited this week. I hope you still find something useful or enjoyable below!

Negotiating tip of the week

I started reading Chris Voss' Never Split the Difference the other day, a famous book on negotiation. Voss worked for the FBI for years dealing with terrorists and kidnappers before starting a private consultancy.

I'm not far into the book, but he's already shared a tactic that seems to beat down most opponents:

Ask how your counterpart how you’re supposed to fulfill their request

Highlight difficulties and make them start trying to solve their demands for you. In a classic hostage situation, this might be "How am I supposed to get you 5 million dollars in 24 hours?" but a more mundane relatable situation might be "How am I supposed to find your father a present when I don't know what he likes?" or "How am I supposed to buy you this train set when we're nowhere near the toy shop?".

After they've thought about it and they suggest something, you just ask how again highlighting some other issue. The important thing is to avoid yes/no questions and keep your questions open-ended and mentally taxing. Much of the time, people get worn down after a few rounds and bitterly give up on their demands.

I started using this with my toddler son before quickly realising I had already been doing it with him, often even. Call it parental instinct. That's why I usually win our debates... until he starts screaming, of course. Then I crumble.

I haven't gotten to the "What to do if they start screaming at you" chapter in Voss' book but I assume there must be one. At least, I bloody hope so.

Book of the week

I listened to The God Desire this week, read by the author himself, the popular British comedian David Baddiel. It's only 2 hours long and a good listen if you're in the mood for a depressing polemic on atheism with jokes.

In the book, he tells a couple of anecdotes about his Three Lions companion, fellow comedian Frank Skinner, who I was surprised to learn is a devout Catholic who stringently follows Vatican church laws. And I'd always thought his religion was fantasy football.

But the main, frivolous, reason I'm recommending the book is because in it Baddiel mentions he's from Dollis Hill, not far from where I grew up. I was delighted to suddenly think of him as a local lad. In fact, I would say his earlier short book on antisemitism Jews Don't Count was a better read and more powerful, so maybe check that one out instead.

And yes, they are both serious topics, aren’t they? But maybe Baddiel’s old History Today sketches from the early 90s were an indication of what was to come.

Song of the week

The only other "celebrities" I can think of from Dollis Hill are the musical duo 4hero, so I'm recommending an old tune of theirs too this week.

It's an uplifting soulful affair that is pretty much guaranteed to put you in a good mood - the comments under this YT video can confirm, especially ones like “there are a lot of people who regard this as the finest musical recording in history” 😎 

That’s all for this week. Many thanks for reading. September’s nice, isn’t it?

Adam

Adam Zulawski
Procrastilearning.com / More stuff

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