Hi,

Welcome to the Procrastilearning Newsletter, a guilt-free meaningful break before returning to work.

• 💡 3 ideas worth procrastilearning over

• 🗣️ 2 quotes to help you refocus

• 🪄 1 tip to keep you on track

3 things worth procrastilearning over

1. The universe might be a big bagel

We're all familiar with the idea that the universe started with “the Big Bang”, and, if memory serves us well, that it's been expanding ever since.

But this has always been a theory. Nobody knows what the definite truth is.

And although it is the most popular theory, there are a couple of problems with it. It doesn't help explain two cosmological phenomena that scientists are still puzzling over:

1. If anti-matter is created when matter is created, why is there so little anti-matter in the universe?

2. What is dark energy exactly?

Enter the Big Bagel Theory, also known as the Bloom Toroidal Model, which proposes that the Big Bang created two universes, which interact like the top and bottom halves of a bagel. One is an anti-matter universe which is where all the anti-matter goes. Dark energy is the gravity that the two universes throw onto each other, keeping everything in a lovely bagel shape.

2. Botox is good for migraines

Do you suffer from chronic headaches or migraines? Could you also do with getting rid of a few wrinkles? Do you like the saying “Two birds with one stone”?

Well, it’s been well-researched that long-time sufferers find injecting botox into their head helps deal with their persistent pain.

Here’s a scientific paper about it. You can even get it done on the NHS.

3. Thomas the Tank Engine pushes an authoritarian form of Protestantism

If you've read the Thomas the Tank Engine books or watched the show or films enough, you'll eventually notice several puzzling themes.

Every character is obsessed with being "Really Useful" and pleasing the almighty Fat Controller. When you realise these characters were all created by an Anglican vicar, Reverend W Awdry, things start to make sense. Although sometimes you get the feeling Awdry was one of those severe scary vicars who seems happy being racist and sexist.

Not only are there odd punishments dished out for not being useful, but Awdry also created an ongoing race war between the steam and diesel engines. Of course, the Steamies and Diesels always come together to be Really Useful for the Fat Controller, and from that, we learn how all heathens can be forgiven if they find the Lord.

Here’s my favourite example of a cruel punishment from the Lord God Controller, this time on Henry when he wasn’t being useful. I always enjoy reading it out loud to my kids with the appropriate level of bleak absurd cruelty:

I'm not the only person who has noticed the weirdness of all this. Both The New Yorker and Slate have articles that go into it all, and there's also a good blog here from a theologian who notes how Thomas’ rise to popularity coincided with the Thatcher years.

You may be pleased to know the show has evolved a bit in the 2020s. Since it was rebranded as All Engines Go! a few years ago, it’s become much less worrisome - but also less entertaining (it has a rating of just 7% on Rotten Tomatoes).

2 quotes to keep in mind

1 simple tip to deal with stress

Sing. Or hum.

When your mind is racing with worrying thoughts, try singing your favourite song. Or if that’s too extraverted for you, just hum it.

Why does it work? Because singing and humming make you focus both your attention and your breathing, two things that get out of hand when you feel worried.

There are apps that encourage you to sing your anxiety away, if you really think you need an app for it. And if you’re feeling a bit lonely and odd singing to yourself, you could try joining a choir or other singing or chanting groups since that has even more benefits.

That's all for today. Many thanks for reading. Here’s a photo of a gorilla eating four carrots.

Adam

Adam Zulawski
Procrastilearning on Beehiiv / More stuff
Currently reading: The Story Grid by Shawn Coyne

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