Hi,

This week, I'm going to talk about procrastination for once. You know, that thing this newsletter gets its name from.

Learning about procrastination while you procrastilearn is the ultimate form of procrastilearning. I think that sentence made sense.

Your relationship to expectations

Do you find it easy to meet the expectations of other people?

What about your own expectations? Do you stick to those New Year Resolutions? Maybe you hate all expectations, even your own?

The pop-psychology author and podcaster Gretchen Rubin has a neat framework (and book) called ‘The Four Tendencies’ that splits people into 4 categories when it comes to these requests and plans.

It’s not exactly scientific, but I do like the accessibility of this model and I find it’s actually useful when thinking about many of our interactions. And it helps a lot when thinking about procrastination.

She has a 12-question test on her website, but I think most people can figure out their tendency just by looking at the diagram below:

If you want detailed descriptions for the four tendencies, I've put links to both written articles and short videos beside each of them here:

• Upholder: “Discipline is my freedom.” - PDF / Video

• Questioner: “I’ll comply if you convince me why.” - PDF / Video

• Obliger: “You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.” - PDF / Video

• Rebel: “You can’t make me, and neither can I.” - PDF / Video

My life as an Obliger

Hi, my name is Adam, and I am an Obliger.

I didn't need to take the test to know that. It's the reason I work best in a team, because I feel a duty to the other members. It's also why I have an exceedingly long list of small personal projects that have been left completely untouched.

One of the reasons I enjoy writing newsletters like this is in fact because they have in-built external expectations.

When you sign up to a newsletter, the publisher says it's weekly or fortnightly or monthly, and they stick to that schedule. I myself have now published personal newsletters for 54 weeks in a row. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't made that initial schedule promise when people sign up, even if it's not exactly that important to them.

(But notably, I’ve done little to grow my newsletters during that time, since that would only give them even more external accountability 😅)

Another example of my Obliger tendency can be found in my reading habits. In the last 5 months, I've read 24 books. That is a complete renaissance for me. I haven't read this much since my early 20s - I’ve had several years where I struggled to read more than one.

The reason for the dramatic change? I started using Libby in March - they've all been library loans. I have to return them by a certain date and if I don't, I can't borrow them again for months. That external obligation works like magic on me.

Meanwhile, I dropped my phone last week while walking over concrete slabs. It continued working briefly before suddenly stopping completely. It is now a so-called “brick”.

But have I gotten a new phone yet? Nope. Because a new phone would only really be for my own benefit.

I can still make calls and texts on my old 2014 phone, so people can still reach me. But they have no expectations about me watching YouTube videos on a train, so I feel no rush to get a new smartphone.

Of course, this delay has meant I am now struggling to stick to my Libby reading habit, so I’ll need to get one soon enough 🤔

Seeing as Rubin claims the majority of us are Obligers, at least in part, you may well be relating to these examples. Maybe you too have found you couldn’t keep an exercise routine until you found somebody to keep you company, or an opponent or team to play with?

What to do if you're a Rebel or a Questioner

If you're one of the other 3 types and are procrastinating on something, then you need a different approach.

If you're a Questioner, you really need to see the logic behind doing something for other people, as the activity needs to meet your own inner expectations. You also might take too long to make decisions because you think you need more and more information. You need to give yourself deadlines - that are logically chosen by you - to prevent that.

If you're a Rebel meanwhile, since you hate all expectations, you need to be motivated by something entirely different to move your butt into gear and get anything done. Your two biggest motivators are identity and enjoyment - you most easily get a project done because you find it both fun to do and a reflection of the kind of person you believe you are. Any expectations around it are irrelevant.

And if you're an Upholder, well, you're just perfect, aren't you?

You're probably not even reading this since you're getting so much done and barely have any issues with procrastination - you Upholder people make me sick.

Parents & revenge bedtime procrastination

Elsewhere, a new study by a mattress company of over 1,500 parents has revealed that sleep is basically a luxury.

Around 72% of parents aren't getting the recommended 7 hours at least 3 nights a week. I’m definitely part of that majority 😴

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this lack of sleep is directly contributing to increased stress and guilt, with 8 out of 10 parents confirming these feelings.

So how are they dealing with it?

With something called “revenge bedtime procrastination”!

It’s when you push back on your bedtime in return for some free time. The name seems to have originated in China a few years ago, but 95.33% of the parents surveyed in this 2023 US study admitted to doing it too. And unfortunately, it often involves just scrolling on our phones.

This act of rebellion is mainly due to a lack of free time, but ironically, it’s leading us to sleep even less. Especially for those who do it all the time, averaging 5.41 sleep-deprived nights per week. Brutal.

Unsurprisingly, most parents end up feeling irritable and stressed the following day. Parenting on sleep deprivation is bloody awful, as any parent will tell you, and the study found common problems were feelings of being overwhelmed, mood swings, guilt, and even regret.

There's clearly a cost to staying up past bedtime, but we all need a little 'me time', right? I have tried to go to sleep when my kids do instead, but it feels like defeat, frankly.

This VeryWell article has some helpful tips, but as a parent of young children, my brilliant plan is to try stay alive until they stop being so demanding. Fool-proof, am I right? 😅

That’s it for this week. Many thanks for reading. Have you tried squeezing a bit of lemon into your water? It’s nice.

Adam

Adam Zulawski
Procrastilearning.com / More stuff

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